My Fuckin' World

Counting Numbers

2009-07-02T23:49:00.002+08:00

Wassup,
time and time again I've been posting stuff every like once a month,
which is bad, for my blog that is and sometimes for me.
I just been really busy, no joke, been lazy, and tired most of all.

I'm gonna try to start a fresh, I'm not gonna blog abt what has
happened like a month ago and rather just
start a new and try my best
post as much as possible. Everytime I blog I get mixed feelings,
and sometimes when you read,
you might not really get what I'm saying,
but that's just me, that's the true essence of how i speak my mind
cz I'm just so drawn to what I'm speaking out through my head.

This past Monday, 29th June, was an experience of a life time,
it was the first Asian Youth Games and was being hosted by Singapore,
and by the luck of the Irish,
my skl's M'n'D was part of the opening ceremony.
So, short and sweet, practiced for months, all for one day,
and what a day it was. I thank God so much for giving me the chance
to do such a thing at such a scale at such a time.
But right now, I feel undone, empty inside, like a black hole.
Don't get me wrong this those not only have to do with my "love life"
but everything around me as well.
I sometimes ask questions that make me question my questions.
I sometimes feel restrained even with the freedom I have.
Now that I think back, am I really ME now? Even if I can't determine
who I really am, am I faking to be????
Don't get it right??? Me too..........

Something tells me, Relax go with the flow and enjoy life with responsibility,
but reality tells me, Not now, not this much and not at this age.
It looks obvious which I would choose to be happy right??
But, in fact, aren't I living that life now???
So why am I still feeling this way???
This is just like counting numbers, It never ends.................

P'n'L
-IL-

It Don't Breakeven

2009-06-08T01:07:00.007+08:00

Hey wassup,
It's been a long time again,
*Sigh*
Just been alot of things goin on.
Firstly, I would like to talk abt my birthday,
It was On the 31st of May, I wanted to blog but was kinda
bummed and tired I guess.
I was actually planning to go somewhere with some friends,
But then on the day it self, some of my friends were goin to
another birthday party on the same day for another girl I know.
So I guess we mind as well join her "party" since they were leaving
soon anyway, I didn't really wanna go cz i thought it would be bad.
But before all this, I invited a group of girls to come with me first,
then the day b4 we were suppose to go, they said they couldn't
and I definitely knew they were goin to the other girl's birthday.
So I obviously felt sad and angry that they were ditching me for
another person when I initialy asked them first.
Well i just put it behind me and just went with them.
So when we met up with some of the girls, most of them didn't
even wish me, so I got quite upset.
Even when the girls I invited saw me didn't even wish me,
I just knew following them was a mistake, but there was no
turning back, we already on the way to the venue(Marina Barage).
I was really pissed!!!!
But atleast I had Haily by my side,
So much for Vic being such a bro.......
when we got to MB, I was kinda wanting to kinda part from the group.
O, did I mention Haily brought his skateboard and I ask him to skate
down this sketchy slope, he did and really really hurt his arm.
He broke his wrist, and his elbow bled.
I feel sorry for him....... Kinda..... HAHAHA!
Well towards the end of the day, I was less angry but was still upset,
I really expect more from the Singaporean Kids, like honestly,
this goes out to ALL SINGAPOREAN TEENS, you all DON'T KNOW
how to be good friends...... I dun take back, never had and never will.
If you all say it's I who doesn't know how to be a good friend,
why is it that I have so many friends here(Malaysia) that love me as
a friend??? I have no doubt in my mind that you all really need to
GROW UP!!!

Other than that,
I'M FINALLY HOME!!!!!!!!
It's my second day home and ntg much has happened, although there
will be much to do...... I so can't wait to eat Mamak again,
I've seen both me grandmothers and I LOVE and MISS them lots!
I can't wait for the days to come and I know I will enjoy myself.....

I just also recently found out that BOTY ASIA will be in SG and that to
my ears were like heaven!!!!! Cz now I can go watch Awesomeness
and most importantly go meet MON my sifu! Which I so dearly
miss so much cz I've been starving for knowledge and skill of B-BOY.

B4 I came back I was having AYG rehearsals for four days straight from
11 a.m. - 6 p.m. It wasn't as tiring as I expected, so after these
two weeks here, I will have crunch time rehearsals and it will be at the
Singapore Indoor Stadium.
Yes, It's very special, I'm doing the opening ceremony along with,
200 - 300 beautifull girls and 30 odd guys. And this is event is
happening for the first time, so isn't it just amazing how I joined skl
this year and I get to do something this BIG!
Pray for my success......

I shall end this post with some pics =)

P'n'L
-IL-

Jam Packed...

2009-05-25T23:04:00.002+08:00

Hey hey,
I know, I know,
It's been shit long since I've posted
but I have my reasons............
All you all know that I don't usually post
when I am having strong emotions, dead tired, not in the mood etc.
Now, this probably gonna be a long long post, I have lots to say.
I'm not gonna go in order cz I can't remember so whatever....

Right now, honestly kinda stress,
I failed all my subjects for my mid-terms accept English.....
YES, I am dead serious, it just really pisses me off that I work
kinda hard(study) but I still fail or get shitty results like my English.
I can't even begin to imagine what my parents would say,
I didn't really tell my dad but my mom is coming for
PTM (parents teachers meeting) on thursday or friday.
OMG what do I do? I really pray for the best.....

But besides studies, whats bothering me is also
the friendship state in Singapore among teens.......
Usually by now, teens my age would have grown up and realize
what is true friendship. I am so disappointed in the way
you guys(teens) treat your friends......
Honestly, taking a step back and having a look,
you guys are just not using your brain to think sometimes but
only think abt what better for yourselves.......
Your other local friends dun take it as such a big deal cz once
again, they never stop to think that one thing or another could be
disrespectful, rude and just sometimes things totally not called for.
It just frustrates me alot sometimes and just hope you guys
will use both heart and brain.....

O!!! I MADE TO DEYI STAR FINALS!!!!!!
semi-finals was on 19th of May,
I did my thing and the crowd liked it,
I was the second last performance,
I was kinda surprised I had a larger applause than the most popular
guy in Skl.......
I got kinda popular myself for a while, but it only lasted one day.
I dun give a fuck anyway, I just really wanna win finals cz
I'm gonna show my all and if I don't make it then it means,
my all ain't good.
But I'mma do something big, alot spazz and dazzle in it too.... =)
I also heard certain plans abt my opponents.....
HOHOHO, I'm getting a lil worried.

F.Y.I, I am very zonked right now.

And, I think one last thing, all abt the opposite sex,
hehehe......
Well, I dun really kinda like her anymore, I thought I did,
she would have been great though.....
And I'm not sure If I like this one now,
She is kinda on and off all the time, but I guess time will tell.
I might also like her buddies.... HAHAHA, What a way to keep
my options open....
And finally, YOU! you lousy lil *#$#$ M@*$@$%@*$% #F@$
B*$#*&$&%%*$^^%($&#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't believe I fell for your stupid trap,
You fuckin used me,
time and time again,
this will never happen again!
you can bet your life I will never treat you the same again.
*probably unless you have valid reason with proof.....*

Well, I guess that's all I can remember now....
I am totally zonked and am afraid I might not wake up for skl tmr.
So pls let me sleep in peace! O, I also got my tights and ballet shoes.
Weird Much......

P'n'L
-IL-

The 45 King

2009-05-03T02:19:00.002+08:00

Hey wassup wassup,
In Orchard Park Suites now,
2:21a.m now so,
yesterday Vic came over to OPS
to "STUDY" with me.....
But before that,
Thursday was my mid-term English paper,
I feel confident abt it, and I hope for the best...
Friday was Labour Day, Happy Belated Birthday to Li Ping btw,
It was her Bday that day......
I also cut my hair and have a totally new hairstyle.....
definitely goin back there..... Wanna see?
gonna have to wait then.........

Saturday,
like I said, Vic came over,
we hung out in the suite and it was a great time.
Around 7:30 we went to Far East Plaza with mom and mom's friend
to eat a lovely lovely dinner and jalan jalan for clothes....
Currently looking for black jeans, anyone can help???
He went home after dinner,
so me, mom and mom's friend jalan jalan somemore,
ended up in a cafe then on to a CD store called "That CD Shop"
It's like a Louis Vuitton version of a CD store, really high class....
I bought this awesome CD with rockin dance beats.....

Later on,
we went to a bar called The Santuary,
it was rocking, live music was awesome and ambiance was cool.
Had a few drinks, and enjoyed the music.
Not too long later, we paid and went back to the hotel....
Sent mom's friend home and here I am writing this....

I wonder wants goin on in her head, I would kill to know.....
Well, maybe if it ain't right then wth can I do?

P'n'L
-IL-

Run, Don't Walk!

2009-04-30T00:47:00.002+08:00

Hey hey,
It's 12:48 now,
still up cz I slept once I came home,
was just tired as hell and whether was hot like Megan Fox...
Hate the feeling, actually, it ain't hot, it's humid!
Sweaty sweaty sweaty!! And it stinks! Literally!
O and later today, I have my mid-terms for English.
SHit! What am I still doing up? Well, at-least we get to go
home right after the exam, you S'porean students have it easy man.

But anyway, I'm really confused abit,
I guess I really like someone now but if you have known
what happened, you know it's not just
"O, I like her, I'm gonna get her" anymore, it's complicated.
So yea..... I'm gonna have to think it tru.......
O Brendan, why did you have to go at a time of need....
And didn't even pick up my phone when you were leaving!!!!
And lastly, Lady J, hang on there now, I'll always be there for you,
I'm always a phone call away if you need me, even though
I'm a few hundred miles away......=/

P'n'L
-IL-

Work work work HARDER!!!

2009-04-25T01:37:00.002+08:00

Yo wassup,
Today, wait no yesterday was A Day,
It's 1:39 a.m now so....
So yea, I had me audition and judge judy there
wasn't too pleasant while judge whoever was just not helpful,
at all..... They just don't get it, they don't know what it's like
to b-boy for 2-3 mins straight and believe me you guys too have
NO IDEA!! And to make things worse the floor was slippery.
It may sound whinny but I'm serious, it was crucial to my
dance mostly my footwork for b-boy!

BUT, I still made it to the semi-finals......
that's why I just got back from A HELL of a practice.
I just dance till' I lost breath.
So tired, and I still have Math remedial today afternoon,
O so so stress..........
Someone pls give me a chill pill.... or a kiss from a girl,
pretty one of course, lip gloss is acceptable, strawberry if possible.
I gotta go catch me a dream now, or just continue practicing in
LaLaLANd...........

P'n'L
-IL-

Must move like never B4

2009-04-23T23:30:00.002+08:00

Heyo wassup,
very very nervous/anxious/worried right now.
Tmr is A Day, wow sounds cool,
I just made that up by the way.
A Day, hmmmm, I hope I can pull it off.
Alot of ppl kinda supporting me,
well everybody I told anyway so....
Not too be cocky but I think I can pull off A Day,
but it's the semis and D DAY that I'm worried abt.
I PRAY PRAY PRAY pls let me go all the way,
my intentions is not to show off,
but to just grab every opportunity I get and make the best of it.
And that means getting it all.
Pls everybody wish me luck......

Maybe, I should do a prayer note.

Dear Lord,
I come to you in a time of need, I ask for you to bless
me, so that I can dance my best and make it all the way.
The judges, so that they may judge fairly and have a
clear mind to do it.
The other participants, may they do their best too.
And may the best star win.

P'n'L
-IL-

88

2009-04-22T01:33:00.002+08:00

Wassup wassup,
I didn't go to skl today, had a ruff headache in the morning,
thank God that the Doc was willing to give me a MC
even feeling well later in the afternoon.
Had my first practice today b4 dinner,
and I realized, that I can't out last a set,
this means I gotta cut the down the beats.
Auditions this Friday, worried and nervous,
Ppl, pls pray for my success.....

And on Monday,
OMG, I've never been so wanting to sleep but couldn't in my life.
cz of Sunday(last post), I couldn't sleep, so I had an all niter.
And guess when I felt like sleeping, when skl STARTED!
And the rest of the day was just torture,
just incase sum of you guys forget I have the tendency
to post after midnight, so dates might be confusing.
Well, if I related everything in my life to god,
I think he just sent me a reminder to go to sleep so......

P'n'L
-IL-

Is Love Alive?

2009-04-20T01:18:00.002+08:00

Hey wassup ppl,
alot has happened lately, really amazed by What happened. How did it happened.
Why did it happened. I just can't think straight, as always, I probably can will,
I just need time, not time that will have break in it. Time like a whole weekend
to think, things just feel so messed up, boy will I have alot of white hair.

Let me first start by saying I lost my phone, I didn't actually loose it,
It dropped out of my pants while I was out with Vic.
Then for this weekend i was out the whole time, with vic,
but first with dad, glad to see father again, Love him.
later after spending time with pap, I was with for dinner,
decided to treat him.
Well I just randomly said lets go somewhere far like orchard.
And to my shock, Vic actually wanted to go, so we went to Orchard.
Went to Heeren and Cineleisure first at Heeren in HMV,
then Cineleisure 9th floor.
When we were at ninth floor, I kinda had an urge to play video games.
So..... we played Xbox, and well when did we start playing? at 10p.m.
Vic was kinda scared of being late but I was abit selfish I guess.
so we played anyway, by the time we finished, Vic was late(obviously).
And he had that rushy mood goin on and I just told him to relax,
by the time we reached AMK, we were just able to catch the last bus, luckily.
We made it home by around 12,
we survived but things wasn't as smooth i guess.
But it was at cineleisure that it all changed, by the time i reached home,
I have realized that I don't have my phone, yeap you guessed it.

Then today, asked Vic to go back with me to check if they still have it,
and to be damned they didn't have it......... was I upset?
Yea, but I thought, well, it happens. So well to get over it,
me and Vic played Xbox, Again!
And he told me he wanted to go back by 7 p.m so I thought yea we have
plenty of time, so we played our asses off, and after that it was kinda early,
So we ate.And then went to Kinokuniya for Music Scores.
And guess again, we were late! AGAIN!
and this time it got serious, Vic acted up again, couldn't blame him,
he was suppose to get food for the family.

That's not only what's been got me thinkin, I've been thinkin abt her I guess....
And just generally Love, I guess i understand why they say
"God is Love & Love Is God" Love is just so complicated,
trying to fully understand Love is like trying to understand God,
and that's impossible. I know I promised you God, and I'm keeping it,
but like what B said, if it's really meant to be,
I hope you'll be there to show me it is.
The song that really brings me to all this thinkin and inspiration for this post is,
Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson - Winter Song .
It is so deep for me. It's not just the words, it's everything!
It's every single instrument, chord, melody, flow, notation and sound of the song.
It's bcz of this song that tonight or morning that I am not sleeping,
but just dwelling, a lil' bit the past but dwelling more abt what is the meaning
behind EVERYTHING!
Everything that I've been through, everything that I've done,
everything I'm put here to do, Everything that surrounds me.
Everything.

This is probably THE most emotional post for me, full of mixed feelings.
BroB, I'm sry, I know I can't depend on you always, but you are always there
to help me clear my mind, to make me see my path, I've tried countless times
to clear it myself but I always made it worst.
I dunno how to do this, I know i should keep my priorities straight,
but these sidetracks sometimes mean much more important to me.
How I feel, defines what I do, how I do it or who I am, what i will be.

Is Love Alive? Chase the Dream not The Competition.....

P'n'L
-IL-

Whatever It Takes

2009-04-13T22:02:00.002+08:00

Halo,
Sigh, disappointment after disappointment,
Why? Why can't you guys come?
why can't you bring your baby?
But whatever,
very cliche but, make lemonade out of lemons.....
Thursday gonna have sometime alone with my darling,
no, I meant my beautiful Romanian Guitar....
My thoughts are just so haywire right now,
when I think about what I am thinking,
I have no idea what was I thinking......
Sigh, just know that it's kinda bringing me down,
trying not to let it hold me down.
Aiyaiyai, just learned I have to mix abt 4 songs.....
Painfull, but I want this! I'm gonna do it,
but very very nervous abt it.

Today had M&D, Mr. Dan was busy with the RP dance with
the other girls so the rest just slacked like crazy,
Mr. Ali took over the class and damn he is...... DAMN....
And thursday's M&D is cancelled! YAY!
I'm suddenly in love with ballads.....
I just have the feel for it now....
And I mean now, I SO WISH I HAD A VOICE!
Lady Jane says i have but pls, so horrible....
I want a voice! YingYu keeps saying I suck! so.......
You judge yea?!

P'n'L
-IL-

BAR~B~Q

2009-04-11T19:54:00.002+08:00

Hey wassup,
Long long long time since me last post,
and I'm sry, seriously.
I've been very lazy and have had bad sleeping habits....
Hmmmm, let me think abt what to post...

1.Called BroB
2.Dance
3.Broke
4.Dance
5.Orchard
6.Library

OK!
All I can remember first is that I called BroB one night,
cz something happened, not something I wanna remember anymore,
I ain't sure whether it's safe to say that night made me realize alot of
things that changed my life(again). But maybe it did,
I'm kinda keeping my priorities straight now.
And trying to do what I need to do so I can do what I want to do.
BroB cleared my mind once again and now things are clearer.
But it's up to me whether I'm gonna keep it that way.
I hope I will......

Lord pls help me!
M&D was crazy last thursday!
PT was crazy hard this time and after that,
both my arms just shut downed,
I couldn't even lift my bottle to drink water.
Also, tailors came that day to measure us for our costumes.
Hope it's good.....

Broke to the core!
My wallet is left with how much?!
Guess?? $1? $0.75? $0.50?
NO! I'm left with $0.05!!!!!
I need money badly!
*note: I did not simply spend my money,
I had to buy ballet shoes and etc.(yes it is stupid)
I hope I get money.....

Finally talking abt today,
first thing in the morning,
went to skl for dance practice for a performance......
Honestly, pretty boring, I thought we would have fun but well.....
Cover most parts(maybe) and still need
to edit alot of parts of the song.........
I hope it'll work......

After dance, me and some girls went to
Orchard to buy shoes for someones mummy!
And CHILD, you have no idea how pain my shoulder was!
Carrying my laptop for hours was torturing,
and the fact that the girls were bullying me,
it didn't make it easier on me.
We went to Wisma Atria, then Far East Plaza,
and guess where we headed next.....
WISMA ATRIA!
o my lord my feet and shoulder was killin me!
I found somethin on the heel of my foot and damn it is nasty!
I can't walk properly without feeling pain.
I hope it will be better tmr....

And after buying everything, we headed back to the mrt station,
did I mention we passed by it 4 times!!!!!
And then who came to my...."rescue?"
VICTOR!!
He agreed to come meet me at AMK McDonald's,
So I dropped at Amk after saying bye to the rest(thnx for hell)
Met Vic and we walked to Mc then chilled there abit,
then Vic here had an awesome idea of goin to the library!
While I was having a stomachache.
May I mention the library is crazy far!
So we found a lil spot at a corner with a power socket
so I could charge me laptop that could charge Vic's iPod.
Smart eh?
I hope we chill there again......

P'n'L
-IL-

BiSexual

2009-03-29T22:57:00.004+08:00

Yoyo wassup.......

I'm back after a long break,

wasn't feeling so good after last post and I just totally forgot.

Glad to be back, let me start by saying....

I am now liking youtube show "The Skorpion Show".

It is really funny, anyone reading pls pls pls watch.

Just search for skorpion show, and pls subscribe cz

they deserve it.

Yesterday, while I was with MOTHER,

Haily wanted to meet up, so I told him

it would have to be at Orchard cz I was staying with

me mom cz well she came down to visit........

So we first caught up at Heeren where Lee(Haily)

wanted to show me some bags, clothes, shoes and stuff.

Saw some pretty cool stuff, and note that me and mom

already separated after meeting Lee.

after Heeren, we went on to Scape for a sec, then on to

Cineleisure and to the Lan area to watch ppl play,

and turns out there was the FIFA online tournament.

And then! we went to Wisma Atria for Starbucks,

Hung out there till' like 6 so then b4 Lee goin back,

I brought him over to see Orchard Park Suites(Mom's).

Give him a lil' taste of class yea know what I mean...

So after the tour he left......

Ok, abt OPS(orchard park suites)...

This time, my mom got sent to the studio loft,

now I ain't jokin, that shit was HAWT, if you were single.

Something a fresh playa would get....

Well, ntg else on my mind right now.

So I'll end this with some pics over the weekend.

He looks like T.I with that beanie,

I fixed it for him.

Lord Help Me, If that is your will....

2009-03-19T21:58:00.005+08:00

Hey,
I got really pissed today, slightly worst than last time,
was really on the edge today, I apologize to Zarrah, I'm sry,
I really don't know who to go to.... Nobody is here with me,
even on msn, it's not good enough, I thought i could depend on him.
I guess otherwise.......
I honestly think I'm goin tru major depression, no lie,
I wish I didn't have to so called admit it, but I'm just being honest.
I can't believe it's this bad, no matter who I talk to I can't seem to feel
better or even try to feel better, I want to end it so bad,
I don't want suiside, but I just want me to end so I don't hurt no more,
you might say it's selfish but heck, you would say the say being in
my shoes.

It's so bad, all I can think of is blaming God,
cz I believed that everything is controlled by him,
I honestly dun wanna blame him but I honestly
don't know which name to blame.....
I try to believe that he is preparing me for sumthing or makin me
stronger but this is too much........ It hurts so bad.......
I have calmed down, but still feel numb....
I got so much on my hands, this is just killin me more,
I got skl to catch up on, dance to practice, music to produce,
son to be, life to live........

What really triggered me was my dad gettin upset with me again,
I just love him so much I get alot of guilt from him real easy.
I got dance to practice, my body is in so bad condition,
muscles aching , I got especially skl to catch up on, mostly MATH!
and music? Whole diff story. All I ask for was that one person,
to make feel real and to bring me up when I'm down, that one
I can be with all my life.
I actually found one,
but it was blown down, easier than blowing a stack of feathers...
Just like that it was gone?
How deep do you wanna stab that knife?

"I Gave You Ma Whole Life ,
I Turned It To My Life,
No Money And No Price,
Can Match What I Sacrafice..
And You Repayin' Me By Playin' Me,
Tellin Me Your Sorry For All The Times You Lied,
Baby Your Unfaithful,
Now Im Truly Grateful,
Here Is My Goodbye...
Can You Feel Me Dying."

P'n'L
-IL-

Everything Happens For A Reason....

2009-03-17T02:00:00.001+08:00

Heylo...
yes, as you all know,
I have the tendency to always write after midnight,
c'mon guys, I can't help myself....
So, whatever I'm writing abt right now is abt yesterday.
No, 16 of March.
Ok well, first of all, gotta start out by sayin Happy Birathday!!!
to my dear sister, Maria Xandria Morden, yes she's 15 and single.
And to my awful surprise, it turned out to my room-mates
birthday too.... So props for him...

Ok, so,
Um, I've come to mind that I've actually been out
every time I get a day off,
like every single weekend holiday or anything else, even e-learning.
I really need a break......
Tmr, I'm goin out, AGAIN, to watch a movie with the guys
I can't seem to say no... Just like my dad I guess....
Well on the way back or sumthin, I'd figure I would get Rou Shun
A gift(my room-mate).
Maybe like a game or sumthin...
And also, I realized that I have to go Serangoon JC on Wed for M&D,
God, thats sounds deadly punishing.
I really seem to be having mood swings lately,
I get quite worked up easily over stupid things....
I hope what I've been tru is having me making the right decision,
It's her or nothing.......
I can;t believe I gotta wake up at 9 tmr,
thats mad, and what time isit now?
I hope I make it, "yesterday" i went to see Keshia for the last time,
since she'll be leaving for London for good,
I'm proud of her and glad for her
cz I know London is a awesome place to be....

In-fact I didn"t feeling like goin out as i said
but i felt it wouldn't be right, It's the last time and for a long time..
But then, i think I got a lil' reward, I received 100$ from her parents,
cz they knew it was a lil' troublesome from Bradell
ALL the way down to Harbour Front, VivoCity.
But then again, when I came home I found out that it was Rou Shun's
birthday so i guess that money was to buy Rou Shun something.....
I really need my guardian angel right now, I really need to seriously
get my mind straight, I really am not sure what are my priority if you
would say so...... Brendan, if you're out there pls contact me,
I dun feel like speaking on msn but in person, or some other way.
Or Lord, in my sleep can you pls send someone to help me get
my mind straight..... If I understand it, I will follow it tru-out.

P'n'L
-IL-

7 MINUTES!!!!

2009-03-13T23:52:00.002+08:00

Ok! Hey wassup!
To reenact this situation, you need to read this really fast...
Cz my goal in this post is to make it b4 midnite and i only have
6 minutes left.....
SO!
today wasn't so bad, did ntg much, took a bus home with Vic,
He came hang int he house a while.... Had some fun and laughs.
Um um um,
O and on the way back, tried to chill Vic down,
he abit stressin and i got him to just loosen up by singing
our fav songs like a drunk ass.......
And believe me he picked it up well...
4 Minutes!
O I love everybody,
-My bro's
-My Sista's
to name some
-Morden Family
-Craig
-Ezy
-Li ying
and many many more!
2minutes!!!!!
gonna call goonting now!

P'n'L
-IL-

I Feel Hairy...... And Just So Little Time

2009-03-12T22:35:00.008+08:00

YO Hairy People!
Put your hands in the air,
and stink up the whole place like you just don't care.
Ok ok, serious now,
I totally forgot abt my blog?! I know, not surprised...
Ok, first of all, I would totally like to start with goin out
with Victor to St. Andrews JC "alot like jazz" concert!
Aunty Hwee Cher got me those ticks, it seems that,
aunty's brother worked at SAJC and got free ticks to the show!
So i had two ticks to this show, and i had to bring someone,
at first i thought of asking Kai Xin, but then she was busy with tuition...
so wth i asked Victor, good friend of mine....
So well he wasn't interested at first but I convinced him,
the show was at 7:30 p.m at VICTORIA Concert Hall! cool name.
So we met at around 6 p.m at a bus stop made our way to
Bishan MRT, then took the train to City Hall, walked all the way to Victoria.
Wasn't that far.... But anyway, it was quite an cool concert but to
Victor??? Yea, no chance ever again.... But we had fun doin other stuff so.
Now, I'm gonna let the pictures tell the rest.........

O and um, this is not Victoria, It's the Parliament.....

OK!
Moving on.....
um um um well next day just went to Haily's house to play PS3...
Mmmmm cool........
Came home, did ntg till like abt shit late or early in the morning.
i also realise the following morning I had eye bags and really really
had a bad time waking up......
Like maybe right now would be an example.

Now I think I'll be movin on to today......
Ok well today is a thursday, o wait oops i mean yesterday...
yesterday was a thursday, yes i had M&D.....
I actually thought i could skip abit cz my class had Chem Practical
but then teacher had and last minute call from the office
and the whole thing got cancelled b4 we even started and like
I JUST GOT THERE WHEN HE SAID HE HAD TO GO!
So after that i dragged my sry ass to M&D....
well honestly it was ok, not too bad today.
But but but, found out today that I'll be performing
along with the WHOLE M&D at the AYG(Asian Youth Games)
for the opening ceremony......
Also found out that there are total of 5 skl's performing
and over 500 to 600 students dancing....
That is CRAZY and two "skls" are actually JCs(junior college)....

Well full of mix emotions and up and downs abt this AYG.....
so many things are goin on and my mind is really fucked up...
I mean I was thinkin of a homemade music video,
art class is gonna bomb the skl, getting in a band, studies,
and just getting a chance to do what I love and live doin....

Wow wow wow.....
So many things.... So little time.....
I'm not really sure whatelse to say,
O and Zarrah my beloved sis wants to be on my blog so,
here you go -ZARRAH MARIE MORDEN-
you're officially on my blog........
Lastly, my bro Craig one night just came up to me on msn
and just like typed out the most amazing lines ever....
he said
"its worth tryin..if not u wouldnt b aniwhere now if u hadn't tried..."
Now thats magic, i will always remember these lines...... God Bless bro.

P'n'L
-IL-

I Wanna Be There For You BUT you wont let me!

2009-03-04T22:11:00.003+08:00

Hey Sup,
Um, I feelin slightly better but only away from the sight of her,
cz I just realise that seeing her can do things to me,
not very good things......
Well I thought I was ok haven't been sheddin from my eyes,
until the bubble popped on my screen......
My whole body just broke down to pieces,
It was just faster than you can say half half a three letter word.
Like, you trying to say "one" then you're like "ON" then BAM!
I shatter.......

I'm trying my best to stay alive,
trying my best to pick myself up after shattering......
Spoke to Bro B today,
helped me abit.
Skl? Damn I'm dying in skl man, can't keep up,
but I'm really pushin myself to do it even though it ain't really
effective.... hehe, you know me........

And um, O, in love with QUEST CREW from ABDC,
they gonna win this season fo sho....
and and and...... HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my loving sista LI-YING!
luv yea girl, keep rockin! sry for not wishin you on your b'day,
wasn't feeling so good.....
I think you can tell.....
mind currently distracted, so i'mma update much more next time.
LAYTA!
p.s - I know Li-Ying you readin this right now, and i DARE to you
to scream "B-Boy IL is the ILLEST!!!" HAHA

P'n'L
-IL-

Fuck It, It's Not Worth Trying

2009-03-01T15:04:00.002+08:00

Fuck It!
I can't think no more,
I can't do this anymore,
this is the last I'm doin this.
I ain't gettin hurt no more,
not like this.....
This is fucking bull shit!
I gave everyone everything!!
WTF did i get back!
being used, being cheated on,
being miss treated, and fuck that even 10% of what I've been through!

Fuck life! Is all this worth livin for?! I'm done with this.
You all can fucking suck on my dick for all I care!
You made me this way and I'm gonna give it to yea!
I'm 15 for God's sake! WTF you expect from me!
This just ain't abt you!
Almost everyone I know in life gave me shit!
How the hell you want me to make lemonade out of that!
I didn't ask for this!
And LORD why the fuck are you doin this to me!??
I stayed loyal to you, respected you! WTF you want from me!
I thought when you sent him, it was like a guardian angel,
now he's fucking with someone else!

Fuck This, Fuck Life, Fuck The Free World, Fuck Everything!
Fuck IT
-IL-

GOD, pls forgive me of my sins part 2 / Dreaming with a broken heart

2009-02-26T22:27:00.005+08:00

Hey,
Ummm, current mood?
I can't find a word to describe it,
It's like confused, pain etc. but x1000 but it still doesn't seem enuff.
It's probably gonna be a long ass post,
so buckle up.

Omg, I can't even seem to start,
I'm just so hurt, like literally almost as worst as crisis 2008.
Ok, well for starters, I ain't with "Kesh" anymore, and why?
You'll know as you read,
*deep breath*(It's really really hard for me to do this)
Few months ago,
December to be exact, Regie, he introduced me to this girl,
her name well due to respect, we'll use "Caron".
So, Regie introduced us over the phone one night,
we talked on the phone for surprisingly quite a long time,
and honestly, I had abit of feelings for her,
but certain things she did gave me abit of a doubt.
But nevertheless, I had feelings for her, since then,
we just kicked it off very casually, ntg goin on.

And one day not too long ago,
I found her not feeling ok so I asked her if she was ok,
She was stressed and so i left her alone.
I think maybe one or two days later I sms her to check on her to see
how she's doin, but she didn't reply, so i thought, ok maybe not,
Then the next day, just as i woke up and had brunch, she called me,
Yes, i was glad to hear from her, so, well again we talked for another
good hour or two.
We talked abt alot of things, and one topic that kept coming up,
was well partially my fault, was abt we hookin up.
I dunno why, but that day, it kinda went my way abit,
but still had doubts cz "Caron", well, she's a strong girl......
So well, out of nowhere a topic comes out where I couldn't believe at
first when she was talking abt it, so as proof, she had to send me a
picture, of her, and it was true abt what she said.
(letting you all know that the convo we had are private)
So, in reply i said, "wow, i think i'm in love....".
And it was then when the "fire" started,
we started gettin more and more deeper into our convo abt um,
I think you can call it "Love".......
Next thing i knew, I shouted out "I love you"
and then we hooked up.........
At that specific moment in my life,
was honestly and truthfully the one of my best ever,
I felt like it was almost as good as achieving my dream to be
a pro B-Boy, and it was just a rush and my whole body felt
invincible.

And the very next night,
the second night of our relationship,
she came on to me with bad news.
At first, I wasn't surprised cz i knew of her past,
but as she got more and more clearer,
I realize it was something diff,
it wasn't her this time,
and as she confessed to me,
she thought I would get offended and angry,
but to be frank, I wasn't, cz for once in my life,
I really found someone I truly and deeply loved.
With all my heart, I meant it when i said "ILY",
as well as everything else i said, I meant every word of it....
But that night isn't why I'm shattered.....

The next day, I went to see "Caron" and went hanging out with her,
somewhere near her area of home,
As we were there and through out the whole journey,
she kept quite, and that made my heart beat faster then anything.
So, as we sat down somewhere, she laid her head down on the table,
while i tried to comfort her, and do whatever i can to cheer her up.
At first, it didn't work, I was hurt abit that I as her man,
couldn't do ntg abt it.
But after a while, we started talking and we got closer and closer,
and did stuff...... But all of a sudden, she says something that
literally made my heart skip a few beats..... And it sounded like she
wanted to break up, but I took it as a joke at first......
So we went on doin our stuff.

And finally, when she wanted to go back, I walked her.
We walked abt five minutes and just as we were abt to go
our separate ways.... I asked her seriously whether what she said
just now, she really meant it? She said yes....
And I was SHOCKED! I couldn't take it, I tried my best to just walk off,
But yet, I still wasn't sure....
I called her that night again to get things straight,
it was true, she wanted to break up, only after three days.....
That literally tore me apart like I was NOTHING!
And to even be more shocked,
I cried, i not only cried, I cried for the first time in 10 months,
every that knows, knows why it's a big deal, to make it easier,
In the 2008 crisis, I cried so much,
that I couldn't drop a single tear after that period of time,
that even at my grandpa's and step grandmothers funeral,
I couldn't cry at all, but not cz i didn't love them!
I love them alot but as i watch them enter the chamber,
I couldn't cry a single tear no matter how hard i tried.

So honestly it shows how deep my love is for "Caron"
I have yet to hear from her and I continue my days living in pain.
These few days have been raining, and I would walk in the rain,
just so that I could cry without anyone noticing, and if I sniffed,
I could say I was cold......
I also punched the wall that night, so hard that i bled and now my
last two fingers is bruised and i can't feel them.
But lastly, even tough all this happened and how much it hurt,
I will wait for her, no matter what, If not I'll be single for a shit long time,
and i mean like until I'm 30, I don't care, I love her.....
And if GOD is right, I'll make it happen.....

Now this paragraph is to let you all know readin this that,
I did NOT post this to get empathy/pity from anyone.
Everything I wrote came from the heart and I never exaggerated.
We all due respect, if you dun have good comments or reviews,
pls keep it to yourself.
Postin this was not easy, I took 2 hours to write this, cz my heart was
literally no where to be seen in the light and I'm not fakin....

P'n'L
-IL-

GOD, pls forgive me of my sins part 1

2009-02-22T23:14:00.003+08:00

Yo guys,
I'm sry I have not been posting the past few days,
I wanted to post yesterday but it was already today,
Omg, so many things to write abt,
But only cz of today......
I'm not really in the mood to post now abt what happened.
Relax, relax,
I will soon, i promise....
And currently listening to Say Goodbye by Chris Brown,
It might give a slight clue abt whats goin on..... Feel like crying.

P'n'L
-IL-

Lazy Day

2009-02-18T22:51:00.003+08:00

Wassup wassup,
today was really really lazy and tiring...
well just before break anyway,
I swear i could not keep my eyes open from
SS(social studies) onwards, mostly for Math,

And today skl start late but finish early....
Damn lucky, wanted rest for a day cz tmr I got M&D but no diff,
I still tired and still ain't sleepin,
I really dunno whats gonna happen tmr during M&D,
I really scared the irritation will start on my skin again.
Pls pray for me Regi(god bro) cz I know your reading this.....

And also, I went back with Haili today, we sat on 135....
I thank him alot for that cz he ditched someone for it,
O, and sumthing exicting gonna happen tmr,
I'm jamming with Haili and his band,
not planning to join but would love to.
Hhmmm, whatelse??
I started playing the guitar again,
boy my fingers really hurt,
my new skin can't take it.....
But I also pray for the best, right REGI!!
I really really gonna die tmr first lesson cz I didn't do art!
Ms. Fahana gonna kill me..... AGAIN!
Jeez, Christ help me.......

P'n'L
-IL-

I'm an ART FRIEND!

2009-02-17T23:05:00.002+08:00

Heyo(I'm tired of usin technology hey)...
So hey guys,
I am at home from a very very very exhausting day,
First today, I realise that today the hours past by really slow,
untill.... AFTER SKL!
So before skl ended we had assembly today which was,
hard to say whether nice or not but it was abt total defence,
which I have ntg to do with cz for starters,
I ain't S'porean, but i might help defend it somehow.

After assembly Hadi and I went to canteen to eat,
And smart fuck here decided to be lazy and didn't wanna help
Mdm. Fahana which also got me into trouble cz I lepak with him,
jeez man, my shoulders killing me from carrying so many things
as punishment.....
Later on, we(Art class) went to Art Friend in Bras Pasar, Bugis,
which by the way is FARRRR......
After everything, Mdm. Fahana treated Hadi and I to drinks
but Simin was following cz all of us were goin back to MRT.
After the drink, we walked to MRT,
Mdm went one way while we went the other.

I got off first at Bradell and realised that no freaking bus goes home,
called up care taker, he freaking told me to go back to
AMK to take from there, I was pissed man, I had to WALK for
SO LONG and SO FAR.....
Jeez i got so paranoid that I even got off at the wrong stop,
after that i came home and was dead tired and now
I just wanna SLEEP! And I really really miss you.....

P'n'L
-IL-

Flash Back

2009-02-16T22:45:00.002+08:00

Hey,
suddenly don't feel in the mood anymore,
got a bad flash back, now this is why i didn't say no when i
was asked whether i wanna go SG,
but damn, why is my past keep catching up with me......
O damn, i need a Heineken now.....
Jeez speaking of the devil, she's trying to chat with me now....
Christ, heart really hurts... i miss her too...

But lets get my mind of it.
Today, I skipped MND cz well i really didn't feel like goin cz
I didn't have my meds so I dun wanna risk itchiness,
But in stead, I went to Hashim's house for awhile,
then went back to skl to watch Deyi vs Punggol soccer match....
We won 4-0, first goal didn't even reach the first minute,
Capt. had a hat trick.... Thinking of joining Soccer Team,
but need to train first and get my skin back....
Also wanna get busy for my first performance,
to get my mind of things
and keep my drive goin,
AAAHHHH heard theres so many test for me to do,
I really dun wanna do, let it be I sing to myself....
I pray no test or work for me to do.....

OOO, goin to "Art Friend" tmr,
it's crazy when I heard I had to bring 200$,
I only have 70, but I decided to fock out half my extra expenses
just in case........ You know how much I love markers.....
well gtg hit the sack... quite tired anyway.
oh, and everyone here is complaining it's hot,
jeez man, you'll burn in Malaysia......

P'n'L
-IL-

Home-Stay

2009-02-15T22:37:00.002+08:00

Heeeeeey,
ok ok I'm sry I didn't post for last two days i think,
first of all the first night i was too caught up with Rise of Nations,
And second night(yesterday), I just came down to SG!
Yes I'm back.... woooopidooo....
Well finally moved out of my god family's home in Yishun
to move to a home stay in Bradell....
Not that I wanted to move out but i just didn't wanna cause anymore trouble,

Ok, so forget abt last two nights cz well only thing I can say was
that I taught Regi how to play MADDEN NFL,
and that we battle at guitar hero, and he only beat me twice
on the hardest song out of like what? 15 battles maybe.....
And now, to talk abt my home-stay thing.
Ummmm, well for one, It's a big house but I stay in a small room
with a room mate, haven't got to know him much but I will,
I promise, maybe, but well overall it's cool, and they also have two dogs,
both shhhhhhhhhsnauzer(dunno how to spell),
the younger one really hates me, lil' rascal....
The care takers are cool too.... But I only can go out on weekends,
no surprise, but well i got skl tmr, and MND!!!
jeez dunno whether i'm looking forward on goin back, even if i have to,
So many stuff for me to do(work, homework, test and more work)......
So well, tata for now.........

And Happy Valentines! yes you too babe...
P'n'L
-IL-

Would be Happy To.... If you're serious.......

2009-02-13T01:08:00.002+08:00

Hey wassup,
quite an ok day "yesterday".....
Went back to SMSM for visit visit,
Ms. Meta actually let me join English class for one period.
Other than that, I met up with a few other teachers,
Cik Ain, Mr. Alex, Mr. Dominic and so on....
Really nice to see them again, and wish them the best...
Said goodbye's to everyone again, and then dad picked me up from skl.

Got home, watched Across The Universe for the i think 8th or 9th time,
Then i realise that i had some old games for PC,
so i installed Rise of Nations on my lappy toppy(zarrah made me say it).
I also really need a mouse, hate usin the touchpad all the time.

And also, something quite the interesting happened,
Phillip Ben Stubbings a.k.a White Boy came to me like I was the God Father.
Well i wasn't surprised when I found out what,
Benny boy here wants to start DANCING! yes shocking i know...
Had a long long convo and i thought i'd give him a shot,
and then, out of no where
he suddenly wants to come study in SG with me(same skl).
I thought he was HIGH or just the usual out of his mind!
but i thought for a sec it wouldn't be that bad....
So, I'll probably give this guy a chance....
Everyone should have a shot in life right??

P'n'L
-IL-

Certificate for Leaving

2009-02-12T01:10:00.004+08:00

Hey hey...
Another wasted wasted day, I woke up at 7:30p.m. "yesterday"
well even if i were awake, I'd probably be bored to death anyway...
So, obviously there will be ntg much to say....
But I will be goin to SMSM later this morning to well first,
to meet my friends and also last minute
I find out that i need to collect my leaving cert or whatever that is....
Currently abit tide up with techno music like Darude-Sandstorm or
many of the Daft Punk songs......

Well, I gotta sleep "early"....
But just for fun, here's a video!!

Game Game!!

2009-02-11T05:29:00.002+08:00

Yo, Wassup!
Very very very very BORING "yesterday"...
Can't even remember what i did "yesterday".
I can't believe it's 5 a.m., sry so damn early posting this,
was just too busy what game I should buy to play on my Lappy!
I'm thinking maybe COD4 or RED Alert 3.....
Totally OBSESS with snipering, really wanna be the best out there.
Feel damn high right now or maybe I'm just tired I dunno!
I also might have a thought of goin back to SMSM one last time
B4 I hit the road back down south where I can FINALLY continue my life,
hope it's a good new beginning again cz there will be changes......
HHHMMMMM....... yes i know, interesting huh?!
Don't worry ppl! I will definitely have something to write once i continue my life,
cz everything is so goddamn boring now being isolated in my home, in my room!
So see yea guys......(god this is fucking cheesy)

P'n'L
-IL-

BLINK 182 REUNION!!!!!!

2009-02-10T03:28:00.008+08:00

IT'S OFFICIAL!!!!
BLINK 182 IS COMING BACK!!!
THEY ARE PLAYIN TOGETHER AGAIN!!!
I really hope they come to tour in Sg!
I love them!!

Ok, back to earth here, you guys won't believe what time i woke up today,
get ready, I woke up at 6.30 p.m!!
I watched half of the 2009 Grammy Awards today, was not bad, John Mayer freakin beat Paul McCarthey and Jason Mraz to get an award man..... Peeps to Johnny boy....
so since there is nothing much to say... I'm gonna post really random pictures....
For FUN!!

P'n'L
-IL-

What Brotherhood

2009-02-09T00:36:00.002+08:00

Hey Sup,
early as usual, just realized that in some of the post i wrote today
which actually means yesterday, not all but some or one of them......
Currently watching soccer, Man Utd vs West Ham, MAN UTD ALL THE WAY!!!
not much again happened "yesterday". Ezzy was suppose to come and stay over but my
dad back stabbed me when he told Ezzy's mom it's not the right time when he originally said
it was ok for him to come over.......

Having a hard ass time trying to edit my blog. Jeez man, they make it seem like you need
a degree to do this shit.... I don't care, I'm hiring someone to do it for me...
I really gotta find something to do, being isolated at home can be torturing .... Makes you do crazy stuff man...
Haih, as much as I miss my loving friends, I wanna go back down south to continue life there,
to fulfill my hopes and dreams , I'm missing out alot and it's very crucial that I do not miss events, chances, practices, lessons for my chance to be someone someday. I'm also dissapointed abt certain terms and events goin on nowadays, giving me bad mood swings, damn dissapointed by the one's most closest to me, so called brother!

If it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger...
P'n'L
-IL-

A Phone Call Away

2009-02-08T02:29:00.003+08:00

Hey wassup again,
it's um really really early to be writing, I know,
but i have an habit of writing this late now but probably won't when I'm back down south.
Well yesterday was Lady Jane's 15th Birthday! yes you ppl should go yay or somethin,
cz she didn't have a enjoyable one, and sry abt that Hun but Happy Belated Birthday!
Luv yea loads...
Well today was really boring, no surprise there, couldn't believe i actually woke up at three in the afternoon.... from a phone call! Imagine if that didn't happen...

Suddenly was checking out Russell Peters on YouTube, funny guy, and also Def Jam Poetry,
Beautiful stuff on that, go check it out.....
Nothing much I could say today, sry, but just an update, I'm not contagious anymore and that my skin is getting much smoother by the day.... Yes ladies, I'll be back...
P'n'L
-IL-

The Crave for a Heineken

2009-02-07T01:07:00.002+08:00

Hey wassup,
got back from well,
quite a long day, full of mixed emotions,
some good some bad, the whole roller coaster ride.....
From where i last wrote, i didn't sleep at all...
but first thing did was ate breakfast downstairs,
came up and turned on the t.v and find out that Lakers are playing the Celtics,
really one hell of an epic game, the score was LA-110 vs Bos-109.
Nearly had a heart attack during the game, but LAKERS WON!!! Kobe man!

Anyway, after that, mom came to take me to SMSM to well suppose to celebrate CNY,
but when i was there, I got rejected, turns out the new principle already came,
he gave out orders that no x-students that were not properly attired were allowed in.
Alot and i mean alot of ppl got really pissed, some even got screwed by the principle,
no surprise there, I was damn pissed myself, his way of properly attired was a full suit,
how the hell am I suppose to afford fucking suits! It was crazy, but for the sake of my loved ones, i stayed back till' the end of skl just to see their faces again.
And yes, It was worth it, I missed alot of ppl and to my surprise, alot of ppl missed me back. I said my hello's and goodbye's, then later on decided that i would hitch a ride with Ashley to KL Central for my mom to pick me up, later damn long, but finally arrived.
We were all jammed up in the car like sardines in a can cz did i mention there was 7 ppl in the car including the driver. I felt like a road trip to Penang, but anyway, i bid my good bye's to my loved ones(Ash, Lavy, Gen, Ann) and went to wait for mom.
Later on, long story short, ended up in Bangsar with grandma and got picked up again and then sent home where i felt entirely exhausted......

Then out of the blue I had a wild craving for HEINEKEN!!! i swear i was abt to walk a mile for it but was to tired to..... And to my very big surprise, my dad arrives home from SG, scary, i was just abt to get the keys and walk out to get a drink. And it leaves me here now where i'm am dead tired and full of different emotions.... And also a big shout out to GEN for her 17th BIRTHDAY!!!! Way to go sista! And tomorrow, actually TODAY is Lady Jane's Birthday! turning 15.... Ah, proud of her, Luv her loads and wish her the best!!! Happy Birthday!!!
P'n'L
-IL-

Starting Over

2009-02-06T04:12:00.004+08:00

Today, my first time doin my blog.
its at the break of dawn,
don't really know why i'm doin this
but maybe i'm just bored.
On the other side, I wanna write on this blog,
why? Cz I need something to express my feelings to,
so that also everyone would know whats goin on in my world.
It's funny, I always thought its a waste of my time doin a blog,
probably still is, but until i realize i couldn't keep all my feelings inside of me anymore.
I've been through alot in the past,
and i plan on leaving it there,
I don't expect anyone to understand my life.
I wanna fresh start in life,
I have been given that opportunity but theres a slight smoke screen preventing me from walking my road, and I hope I get pass it soon,

Currently having an infection(Scabies).
Doc said yesterday that I ain't contagious anymore,
damn happy abt that, it gives me a calmer heart knowing I won't harm anyone's health.
Later afternoon I'll be visiting my old skl again,
can't wait, but also can't bare the ppl I'm gonna see there,
but I'm doin this for the ppl i love there, ppl that still love me there.
Their celebrating CNY, thats my chance for me to go have a lil fun with them again,
I wish i could say i miss all of them,
but that doesn't seem to be the matter.
It's freaking 5 in the morning, I'm half naked, writting my blog,
can't sleep cz I'm afraid that i wont wake up in time so i'm having an all nighter.
Don't know whether it's dumb, crazy, weird or just fucked up....
Well till' next time....
P'n'L(Peace and Love)
-IL-