Love B-Boy

...Thursday 26 February 2009

Hey,
Ummm, current mood?
I can't find a word to describe it,
It's like confused, pain etc. but x1000 but it still doesn't seem enuff.
It's probably gonna be a long ass post,
so buckle up.

Omg, I can't even seem to start,
I'm just so hurt, like literally almost as worst as crisis 2008.
Ok, well for starters, I ain't with "Kesh" anymore, and why?
You'll know as you read,
*deep breath*(It's really really hard for me to do this)
Few months ago,
December to be exact, Regie, he introduced me to this girl,
her name well due to respect, we'll use "Caron".
So, Regie introduced us over the phone one night,
we talked on the phone for surprisingly quite a long time,
and honestly, I had abit of feelings for her,
but certain things she did gave me abit of a doubt.
But nevertheless, I had feelings for her, since then,
we just kicked it off very casually, ntg goin on.

And one day not too long ago,
I found her not feeling ok so I asked her if she was ok,
She was stressed and so i left her alone.
I think maybe one or two days later I sms her to check on her to see
how she's doin, but she didn't reply, so i thought, ok maybe not,
Then the next day, just as i woke up and had brunch, she called me,
Yes, i was glad to hear from her, so, well again we talked for another
good hour or two.
We talked abt alot of things, and one topic that kept coming up,
was well partially my fault, was abt we hookin up.
I dunno why, but that day, it kinda went my way abit,
but still had doubts cz "Caron", well, she's a strong girl......
So well, out of nowhere a topic comes out where I couldn't believe at
first when she was talking abt it, so as proof, she had to send me a
picture, of her, and it was true abt what she said.
(letting you all know that the convo we had are private)
So, in reply i said, "wow, i think i'm in love....".
And it was then when the "fire" started,
we started gettin more and more deeper into our convo abt um,
I think you can call it "Love".......
Next thing i knew, I shouted out "I love you"
and then we hooked up.........
At that specific moment in my life,
was honestly and truthfully the one of my best ever,
I felt like it was almost as good as achieving my dream to be
a pro B-Boy, and it was just a rush and my whole body felt
invincible.

And the very next night,
the second night of our relationship,
she came on to me with bad news.
At first, I wasn't surprised cz i knew of her past,
but as she got more and more clearer,
I realize it was something diff,
it wasn't her this time,
and as she confessed to me,
she thought I would get offended and angry,
but to be frank, I wasn't, cz for once in my life,
I really found someone I truly and deeply loved.
With all my heart, I meant it when i said "ILY",
as well as everything else i said, I meant every word of it....
But that night isn't why I'm shattered.....

The next day, I went to see "Caron" and went hanging out with her,
somewhere near her area of home,
As we were there and through out the whole journey,
she kept quite, and that made my heart beat faster then anything.
So, as we sat down somewhere, she laid her head down on the table,
while i tried to comfort her, and do whatever i can to cheer her up.
At first, it didn't work, I was hurt abit that I as her man,
couldn't do ntg abt it.
But after a while, we started talking and we got closer and closer,
and did stuff...... But all of a sudden, she says something that
literally made my heart skip a few beats..... And it sounded like she
wanted to break up, but I took it as a joke at first......
So we went on doin our stuff.

And finally, when she wanted to go back, I walked her.
We walked abt five minutes and just as we were abt to go
our separate ways.... I asked her seriously whether what she said
just now, she really meant it? She said yes....
And I was SHOCKED! I couldn't take it, I tried my best to just walk off,
But yet, I still wasn't sure....
I called her that night again to get things straight,
it was true, she wanted to break up, only after three days.....
That literally tore me apart like I was NOTHING!
And to even be more shocked,
I cried, i not only cried, I cried for the first time in 10 months,
every that knows, knows why it's a big deal, to make it easier,
In the 2008 crisis, I cried so much,
that I couldn't drop a single tear after that period of time,
that even at my grandpa's and step grandmothers funeral,
I couldn't cry at all, but not cz i didn't love them!
I love them alot but as i watch them enter the chamber,
I couldn't cry a single tear no matter how hard i tried.

So honestly it shows how deep my love is for "Caron"
I have yet to hear from her and I continue my days living in pain.
These few days have been raining, and I would walk in the rain,
just so that I could cry without anyone noticing, and if I sniffed,
I could say I was cold......
I also punched the wall that night, so hard that i bled and now my
last two fingers is bruised and i can't feel them.
But lastly, even tough all this happened and how much it hurt,
I will wait for her, no matter what, If not I'll be single for a shit long time,
and i mean like until I'm 30, I don't care, I love her.....
And if GOD is right, I'll make it happen.....

Now this paragraph is to let you all know readin this that,
I did NOT post this to get empathy/pity from anyone.
Everything I wrote came from the heart and I never exaggerated.
We all due respect, if you dun have good comments or reviews,
pls keep it to yourself.
Postin this was not easy, I took 2 hours to write this, cz my heart was
literally no where to be seen in the light and I'm not fakin....

P'n'L
-IL-

- B-Boy rocks my live...# ;

...Sunday 22 February 2009

Yo guys,
I'm sry I have not been posting the past few days,
I wanted to post yesterday but it was already today,
Omg, so many things to write abt,
But only cz of today......
I'm not really in the mood to post now abt what happened.
Relax, relax,
I will soon, i promise....
And currently listening to Say Goodbye by Chris Brown,
It might give a slight clue abt whats goin on..... Feel like crying.

P'n'L
-IL-

- B-Boy rocks my live...# ;

...Wednesday 18 February 2009

Wassup wassup,
today was really really lazy and tiring...
well just before break anyway,
I swear i could not keep my eyes open from
SS(social studies) onwards, mostly for Math,

And today skl start late but finish early....
Damn lucky, wanted rest for a day cz tmr I got M&D but no diff,
I still tired and still ain't sleepin,
I really dunno whats gonna happen tmr during M&D,
I really scared the irritation will start on my skin again.
Pls pray for me Regi(god bro) cz I know your reading this.....

And also, I went back with Haili today, we sat on 135....
I thank him alot for that cz he ditched someone for it,
O, and sumthing exicting gonna happen tmr,
I'm jamming with Haili and his band,
not planning to join but would love to.
Hhmmm, whatelse??
I started playing the guitar again,
boy my fingers really hurt,
my new skin can't take it.....
But I also pray for the best, right REGI!!
I really really gonna die tmr first lesson cz I didn't do art!
Ms. Fahana gonna kill me..... AGAIN!
Jeez, Christ help me.......

P'n'L
-IL-

- B-Boy rocks my live...# ;

...Tuesday 17 February 2009

Heyo(I'm tired of usin technology hey)...
So hey guys,
I am at home from a very very very exhausting day,
First today, I realise that today the hours past by really slow,
untill.... AFTER SKL!
So before skl ended we had assembly today which was,
hard to say whether nice or not but it was abt total defence,
which I have ntg to do with cz for starters,
I ain't S'porean, but i might help defend it somehow.

After assembly Hadi and I went to canteen to eat,
And smart fuck here decided to be lazy and didn't wanna help
Mdm. Fahana which also got me into trouble cz I lepak with him,
jeez man, my shoulders killing me from carrying so many things
as punishment.....
Later on, we(Art class) went to Art Friend in Bras Pasar, Bugis,
which by the way is FARRRR......
After everything, Mdm. Fahana treated Hadi and I to drinks
but Simin was following cz all of us were goin back to MRT.
After the drink, we walked to MRT,
Mdm went one way while we went the other.

I got off first at Bradell and realised that no freaking bus goes home,
called up care taker, he freaking told me to go back to
AMK to take from there, I was pissed man, I had to WALK for
SO LONG and SO FAR.....
Jeez i got so paranoid that I even got off at the wrong stop,
after that i came home and was dead tired and now
I just wanna SLEEP! And I really really miss you.....

P'n'L
-IL-

- B-Boy rocks my live...# ;

...Monday 16 February 2009

Hey,
suddenly don't feel in the mood anymore,
got a bad flash back, now this is why i didn't say no when i
was asked whether i wanna go SG,
but damn, why is my past keep catching up with me......
O damn, i need a Heineken now.....
Jeez speaking of the devil, she's trying to chat with me now....
Christ, heart really hurts... i miss her too...

But lets get my mind of it.
Today, I skipped MND cz well i really didn't feel like goin cz
I didn't have my meds so I dun wanna risk itchiness,
But in stead, I went to Hashim's house for awhile,
then went back to skl to watch Deyi vs Punggol soccer match....
We won 4-0, first goal didn't even reach the first minute,
Capt. had a hat trick.... Thinking of joining Soccer Team,
but need to train first and get my skin back....
Also wanna get busy for my first performance,
to get my mind of things
and keep my drive goin,
AAAHHHH heard theres so many test for me to do,
I really dun wanna do, let it be I sing to myself....
I pray no test or work for me to do.....

OOO, goin to "Art Friend" tmr,
it's crazy when I heard I had to bring 200$,
I only have 70, but I decided to fock out half my extra expenses
just in case........ You know how much I love markers.....
well gtg hit the sack... quite tired anyway.
oh, and everyone here is complaining it's hot,
jeez man, you'll burn in Malaysia......

P'n'L
-IL-

- B-Boy rocks my live...# ;

...Sunday 15 February 2009

Heeeeeey,
ok ok I'm sry I didn't post for last two days i think,
first of all the first night i was too caught up with Rise of Nations,
And second night(yesterday), I just came down to SG!
Yes I'm back.... woooopidooo....
Well finally moved out of my god family's home in Yishun
to move to a home stay in Bradell....
Not that I wanted to move out but i just didn't wanna cause anymore trouble,

Ok, so forget abt last two nights cz well only thing I can say was
that I taught Regi how to play MADDEN NFL,
and that we battle at guitar hero, and he only beat me twice
on the hardest song out of like what? 15 battles maybe.....
And now, to talk abt my home-stay thing.
Ummmm, well for one, It's a big house but I stay in a small room
with a room mate, haven't got to know him much but I will,
I promise, maybe, but well overall it's cool, and they also have two dogs,
both shhhhhhhhhsnauzer(dunno how to spell),
the younger one really hates me, lil' rascal....
The care takers are cool too.... But I only can go out on weekends,
no surprise, but well i got skl tmr, and MND!!!
jeez dunno whether i'm looking forward on goin back, even if i have to,
So many stuff for me to do(work, homework, test and more work)......
So well, tata for now.........

And Happy Valentines! yes you too babe...
P'n'L
-IL-

- B-Boy rocks my live...# ;

...Friday 13 February 2009

Hey wassup,
quite an ok day "yesterday".....
Went back to SMSM for visit visit,
Ms. Meta actually let me join English class for one period.
Other than that, I met up with a few other teachers,
Cik Ain, Mr. Alex, Mr. Dominic and so on....
Really nice to see them again, and wish them the best...
Said goodbye's to everyone again, and then dad picked me up from skl.

Got home, watched Across The Universe for the i think 8th or 9th time,
Then i realise that i had some old games for PC,
so i installed Rise of Nations on my lappy toppy(zarrah made me say it).
I also really need a mouse, hate usin the touchpad all the time.

And also, something quite the interesting happened,
Phillip Ben Stubbings a.k.a White Boy came to me like I was the God Father.
Well i wasn't surprised when I found out what,
Benny boy here wants to start DANCING! yes shocking i know...
Had a long long convo and i thought i'd give him a shot,
and then, out of no where
he suddenly wants to come study in SG with me(same skl).
I thought he was HIGH or just the usual out of his mind!
but i thought for a sec it wouldn't be that bad....
So, I'll probably give this guy a chance....
Everyone should have a shot in life right??

P'n'L
-IL-

- B-Boy rocks my live...# ;

...Thursday 12 February 2009

Hey hey...
Another wasted wasted day, I woke up at 7:30p.m. "yesterday"
well even if i were awake, I'd probably be bored to death anyway...
So, obviously there will be ntg much to say....
But I will be goin to SMSM later this morning to well first,
to meet my friends and also last minute
I find out that i need to collect my leaving cert or whatever that is....
Currently abit tide up with techno music like Darude-Sandstorm or
many of the Daft Punk songs......

Well, I gotta sleep "early"....
But just for fun, here's a video!!

- B-Boy rocks my live...# ;

...Wednesday 11 February 2009

Yo, Wassup!
Very very very very BORING "yesterday"...
Can't even remember what i did "yesterday".
I can't believe it's 5 a.m., sry so damn early posting this,
was just too busy what game I should buy to play on my Lappy!
I'm thinking maybe COD4 or RED Alert 3.....
Totally OBSESS with snipering, really wanna be the best out there.
Feel damn high right now or maybe I'm just tired I dunno!
I also might have a thought of goin back to SMSM one last time
B4 I hit the road back down south where I can FINALLY continue my life,
hope it's a good new beginning again cz there will be changes......
HHHMMMMM....... yes i know, interesting huh?!
Don't worry ppl! I will definitely have something to write once i continue my life,
cz everything is so goddamn boring now being isolated in my home, in my room!
So see yea guys......(god this is fucking cheesy)

P'n'L
-IL-

- B-Boy rocks my live...# ;

...Tuesday 10 February 2009

IT'S OFFICIAL!!!!
BLINK 182 IS COMING BACK!!!
THEY ARE PLAYIN TOGETHER AGAIN!!!
I really hope they come to tour in Sg!
I love them!!

Ok, back to earth here, you guys won't believe what time i woke up today,
get ready, I woke up at 6.30 p.m!!
I watched half of the 2009 Grammy Awards today, was not bad, John Mayer freakin beat Paul McCarthey and Jason Mraz to get an award man..... Peeps to Johnny boy....
so since there is nothing much to say... I'm gonna post really random pictures....
For FUN!!

P'n'L
-IL-

- B-Boy rocks my live...# ;

...Monday 9 February 2009

Hey Sup,
early as usual, just realized that in some of the post i wrote today
which actually means yesterday, not all but some or one of them......
Currently watching soccer, Man Utd vs West Ham, MAN UTD ALL THE WAY!!!
not much again happened "yesterday". Ezzy was suppose to come and stay over but my
dad back stabbed me when he told Ezzy's mom it's not the right time when he originally said
it was ok for him to come over.......

Having a hard ass time trying to edit my blog. Jeez man, they make it seem like you need
a degree to do this shit.... I don't care, I'm hiring someone to do it for me...
I really gotta find something to do, being isolated at home can be torturing .... Makes you do crazy stuff man...
Haih, as much as I miss my loving friends, I wanna go back down south to continue life there,
to fulfill my hopes and dreams , I'm missing out alot and it's very crucial that I do not miss events, chances, practices, lessons for my chance to be someone someday. I'm also dissapointed abt certain terms and events goin on nowadays, giving me bad mood swings, damn dissapointed by the one's most closest to me, so called brother!

If it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger...
P'n'L
-IL-

- B-Boy rocks my live...# ;

...Sunday 8 February 2009

Hey wassup again,
it's um really really early to be writing, I know,
but i have an habit of writing this late now but probably won't when I'm back down south.
Well yesterday was Lady Jane's 15th Birthday! yes you ppl should go yay or somethin,
cz she didn't have a enjoyable one, and sry abt that Hun but Happy Belated Birthday!
Luv yea loads...
Well today was really boring, no surprise there, couldn't believe i actually woke up at three in the afternoon.... from a phone call! Imagine if that didn't happen...

Suddenly was checking out Russell Peters on YouTube, funny guy, and also Def Jam Poetry,
Beautiful stuff on that, go check it out.....
Nothing much I could say today, sry, but just an update, I'm not contagious anymore and that my skin is getting much smoother by the day.... Yes ladies, I'll be back...
P'n'L
-IL-

- B-Boy rocks my live...# ;

...Saturday 7 February 2009

Hey wassup,
got back from well,
quite a long day, full of mixed emotions,
some good some bad, the whole roller coaster ride.....
From where i last wrote, i didn't sleep at all...
but first thing did was ate breakfast downstairs,
came up and turned on the t.v and find out that Lakers are playing the Celtics,
really one hell of an epic game, the score was LA-110 vs Bos-109.
Nearly had a heart attack during the game, but LAKERS WON!!! Kobe man!

Anyway, after that, mom came to take me to SMSM to well suppose to celebrate CNY,
but when i was there, I got rejected, turns out the new principle already came,
he gave out orders that no x-students that were not properly attired were allowed in.
Alot and i mean alot of ppl got really pissed, some even got screwed by the principle,
no surprise there, I was damn pissed myself, his way of properly attired was a full suit,
how the hell am I suppose to afford fucking suits! It was crazy, but for the sake of my loved ones, i stayed back till' the end of skl just to see their faces again.
And yes, It was worth it, I missed alot of ppl and to my surprise, alot of ppl missed me back. I said my hello's and goodbye's, then later on decided that i would hitch a ride with Ashley to KL Central for my mom to pick me up, later damn long, but finally arrived.
We were all jammed up in the car like sardines in a can cz did i mention there was 7 ppl in the car including the driver. I felt like a road trip to Penang, but anyway, i bid my good bye's to my loved ones(Ash, Lavy, Gen, Ann) and went to wait for mom.
Later on, long story short, ended up in Bangsar with grandma and got picked up again and then sent home where i felt entirely exhausted......

Then out of the blue I had a wild craving for HEINEKEN!!! i swear i was abt to walk a mile for it but was to tired to..... And to my very big surprise, my dad arrives home from SG, scary, i was just abt to get the keys and walk out to get a drink. And it leaves me here now where i'm am dead tired and full of different emotions.... And also a big shout out to GEN for her 17th BIRTHDAY!!!! Way to go sista! And tomorrow, actually TODAY is Lady Jane's Birthday! turning 15.... Ah, proud of her, Luv her loads and wish her the best!!! Happy Birthday!!!
P'n'L
-IL-

- B-Boy rocks my live...# ;

...Friday 6 February 2009

Today, my first time doin my blog.
its at the break of dawn,
don't really know why i'm doin this
but maybe i'm just bored.
On the other side, I wanna write on this blog,
why? Cz I need something to express my feelings to,
so that also everyone would know whats goin on in my world.
It's funny, I always thought its a waste of my time doin a blog,
probably still is, but until i realize i couldn't keep all my feelings inside of me anymore.
I've been through alot in the past,
and i plan on leaving it there,
I don't expect anyone to understand my life.
I wanna fresh start in life,
I have been given that opportunity but theres a slight smoke screen preventing me from walking my road, and I hope I get pass it soon,

Currently having an infection(Scabies).
Doc said yesterday that I ain't contagious anymore,
damn happy abt that, it gives me a calmer heart knowing I won't harm anyone's health.
Later afternoon I'll be visiting my old skl again,
can't wait, but also can't bare the ppl I'm gonna see there,
but I'm doin this for the ppl i love there, ppl that still love me there.
Their celebrating CNY, thats my chance for me to go have a lil fun with them again,
I wish i could say i miss all of them,
but that doesn't seem to be the matter.
It's freaking 5 in the morning, I'm half naked, writting my blog,
can't sleep cz I'm afraid that i wont wake up in time so i'm having an all nighter.
Don't know whether it's dumb, crazy, weird or just fucked up....
Well till' next time....
P'n'L(Peace and Love)
-IL-

- B-Boy rocks my live...# ;