Love B-Boy

...Thursday, 26 February 2009

Hey,
Ummm, current mood?
I can't find a word to describe it,
It's like confused, pain etc. but x1000 but it still doesn't seem enuff.
It's probably gonna be a long ass post,
so buckle up.

Omg, I can't even seem to start,
I'm just so hurt, like literally almost as worst as crisis 2008.
Ok, well for starters, I ain't with "Kesh" anymore, and why?
You'll know as you read,
*deep breath*(It's really really hard for me to do this)
Few months ago,
December to be exact, Regie, he introduced me to this girl,
her name well due to respect, we'll use "Caron".
So, Regie introduced us over the phone one night,
we talked on the phone for surprisingly quite a long time,
and honestly, I had abit of feelings for her,
but certain things she did gave me abit of a doubt.
But nevertheless, I had feelings for her, since then,
we just kicked it off very casually, ntg goin on.

And one day not too long ago,
I found her not feeling ok so I asked her if she was ok,
She was stressed and so i left her alone.
I think maybe one or two days later I sms her to check on her to see
how she's doin, but she didn't reply, so i thought, ok maybe not,
Then the next day, just as i woke up and had brunch, she called me,
Yes, i was glad to hear from her, so, well again we talked for another
good hour or two.
We talked abt alot of things, and one topic that kept coming up,
was well partially my fault, was abt we hookin up.
I dunno why, but that day, it kinda went my way abit,
but still had doubts cz "Caron", well, she's a strong girl......
So well, out of nowhere a topic comes out where I couldn't believe at
first when she was talking abt it, so as proof, she had to send me a
picture, of her, and it was true abt what she said.
(letting you all know that the convo we had are private)
So, in reply i said, "wow, i think i'm in love....".
And it was then when the "fire" started,
we started gettin more and more deeper into our convo abt um,
I think you can call it "Love".......
Next thing i knew, I shouted out "I love you"
and then we hooked up.........
At that specific moment in my life,
was honestly and truthfully the one of my best ever,
I felt like it was almost as good as achieving my dream to be
a pro B-Boy, and it was just a rush and my whole body felt
invincible.

And the very next night,
the second night of our relationship,
she came on to me with bad news.
At first, I wasn't surprised cz i knew of her past,
but as she got more and more clearer,
I realize it was something diff,
it wasn't her this time,
and as she confessed to me,
she thought I would get offended and angry,
but to be frank, I wasn't, cz for once in my life,
I really found someone I truly and deeply loved.
With all my heart, I meant it when i said "ILY",
as well as everything else i said, I meant every word of it....
But that night isn't why I'm shattered.....

The next day, I went to see "Caron" and went hanging out with her,
somewhere near her area of home,
As we were there and through out the whole journey,
she kept quite, and that made my heart beat faster then anything.
So, as we sat down somewhere, she laid her head down on the table,
while i tried to comfort her, and do whatever i can to cheer her up.
At first, it didn't work, I was hurt abit that I as her man,
couldn't do ntg abt it.
But after a while, we started talking and we got closer and closer,
and did stuff...... But all of a sudden, she says something that
literally made my heart skip a few beats..... And it sounded like she
wanted to break up, but I took it as a joke at first......
So we went on doin our stuff.

And finally, when she wanted to go back, I walked her.
We walked abt five minutes and just as we were abt to go
our separate ways.... I asked her seriously whether what she said
just now, she really meant it? She said yes....
And I was SHOCKED! I couldn't take it, I tried my best to just walk off,
But yet, I still wasn't sure....
I called her that night again to get things straight,
it was true, she wanted to break up, only after three days.....
That literally tore me apart like I was NOTHING!
And to even be more shocked,
I cried, i not only cried, I cried for the first time in 10 months,
every that knows, knows why it's a big deal, to make it easier,
In the 2008 crisis, I cried so much,
that I couldn't drop a single tear after that period of time,
that even at my grandpa's and step grandmothers funeral,
I couldn't cry at all, but not cz i didn't love them!
I love them alot but as i watch them enter the chamber,
I couldn't cry a single tear no matter how hard i tried.

So honestly it shows how deep my love is for "Caron"
I have yet to hear from her and I continue my days living in pain.
These few days have been raining, and I would walk in the rain,
just so that I could cry without anyone noticing, and if I sniffed,
I could say I was cold......
I also punched the wall that night, so hard that i bled and now my
last two fingers is bruised and i can't feel them.
But lastly, even tough all this happened and how much it hurt,
I will wait for her, no matter what, If not I'll be single for a shit long time,
and i mean like until I'm 30, I don't care, I love her.....
And if GOD is right, I'll make it happen.....

Now this paragraph is to let you all know readin this that,
I did NOT post this to get empathy/pity from anyone.
Everything I wrote came from the heart and I never exaggerated.
We all due respect, if you dun have good comments or reviews,
pls keep it to yourself.
Postin this was not easy, I took 2 hours to write this, cz my heart was
literally no where to be seen in the light and I'm not fakin....

P'n'L
-IL-

- B-Boy rocks my live...# ;